Raising a high energy boy

"Hi, my name is Kim and I have a high energy child." You know how people at support groups introduce themselves? Well, seems like I need to join a support group to raise Jonathan.

Not sure if you have heard comments like "Wow, your son has lots of energy" or "He will surely sleep well at night". Or you have attracted wide, gaping mouths or irritated stares, or a glance of sympathy like it's a bad thing. Well, I have, lots of times. I worry if Jon has ADHD, or did I allow him to watch too much violent cartoons like Tom & Jerry or Ben 10. It's hard not to worry when I have a tornado running through people's homes or a very vivacious boy who will shout at the top of his voice when he's happy.

Lots of times, I think if I have failed as parent or will I be able to maintain my sanity in raising this ball of energy. How do I embrace Jon without constantly gripping his hand tightly at public places, shouting at him to stay by my side and not to run?

Sure, I would like to think that I have a passionate, loving, imaginative toddler and use positive adjectives to describe Jonathan. To build him up rather than tear him down, to allow him to grow rather than control and restrict him, and to focus on his positive traits and not what mess did he create. It's difficult when most kids will listen to their parents and stay by their sides, play nicely with others, and run at slower speeds.

Just the other day, while MIL was adjusting a car in the car porch so I can drive Jon in the usual one, Jon decided to run towards the car! Shouting and running after him, I gave him a beating when I caught up with him. MIL could hear my frantic shouting and had already stopped her car. Tried to tell Jon about the danger of running and the possibility of being hit by a car. He smiled nicely at me and said, "Tong, tong (painful coz of the beating). Wei sian (dangerous) or...cannot pao (run) coz bang and tong tong." I just hugged him and told him I beat him coz I was so scared he will get hit.

Later in the morning, after putting Jill down for her morning nap, I spent time thinking. How do I embrace Jon and all his qualities,, not to fight them or to change him? He has such a huge love and zest for life, and I don't want to take that away. He plays, eats, loves with such energy that I have to learn to channel that energy somewhere. If I have only one child, sure I can harness and point the energy to one direction. I have two and another one in my oven!

I am thankful for this ball of energy, Jonathan. I think and say to people what a great kid Jon is, how much love and joy he gives to me, how cute and cuddly he is, and how I love his hugs and kisses. He doesn't pretend and he wears his heart on his sleeve - his likes, his dislikes, his loves, his passion. To him, no one is an enemy. I tell myself there's nothing wrong with Jonathan, he just needs to be loved a different way.

Then there are days where I forget all the above and have my battles. My feelings of being overwhelmed come from people telling me I need to discipline Jonathan or what I am doing wrong in disciplining him. Its when I am out and about that I feel insecure. At home, I tend to be more patient with him.

I have read books, exchanged notes with other parents, found a few ways to work with him, instead of yelling at him. I pray that given the situation should he misbehaves, I would be able to remain calm, and talk to him, that he will listen and channel his energy that will not irritate others. Sometimes, I have to ignore him and give him and myself time-outs. But that is difficult when in public.

Having said that, Jonathan has enough personality and humour to fill a whole room, and that's a joy. I found a few coping techniques like taking walks, looking for bugs, playing with Duplo pieces, helping me with simple errands and lately, building his house with the sofa pieces and cushions (but that drives others up the wall). It would take abundance patience and lots of love and cuddles on my part. And I hope I can do it.

Having Jillian is a totally different story. She is a leg attachment and a koala bear, stays by my side, constantly talking to me, sitting on my lap and holding my face with both hands so she has my undivided attention, and wanting to play with me. They are similar in that they love to talk and they love hugs. But that's for another post.